I really do not know what is wrong with the world, or perhaps something is wrong with me. I am just aghast at how promiscuous and transient the majority of people's sex lives are. Maybe it's not the majority, actually, but lately it's sure seemed like a lot of people.
As I've analyzed this in my head more and more, maybe the "sluttiness" bothers me because, in a way, I'm envious? Other people can just let go and mess around indiscriminately, having fun. But at the same time, I am so thankful that I have no sexual remorse. I feel like I am very responsible, and I really respect my body.
I think that I work really hard to look good. I mean, sure, I am blessed with fantastic Nordic genes, rendering me tall, blonde, and lean. But I also work out 4-6 times per week, buy nice clothes, and take good care of myself. I would argue that this entitles me to be a little extra choosey about my partners. If I don't find very many people in my area attractive, that does not mean that I'm being arrogant. If you aren't attracted to someone, you simply aren't.
Saturday night, some of my dear friends, Ann & Kate, and I all went out to a bar over in Moscow with some gays. We definitely enjoyed ourselves - Moscow has so many fun venues to offer. A friend had agreed to drive us back to Pullman at the end of the night, so we all piled into the car. Kate had to lie down on top of 3 of us in the back seat. A guy I had been conversing with at the bar was sitting next to me in the car, and, to my horror, would not stop trying to grope me! I was appalled! The only way I can describe it would be "aggressively subtle." I firmly blocked his hand from digging as far as he was trying to go, and tried to push it away from my leg, but he persisted! The entire 15 minute car ride. Oh gods, I felt so violated. Kate said that she felt him doing it beneath her, but didn't realize that I was not receptive to his advances, and asked why I didn't say anything. I guess I was just shocked, and the situation was so awkward, I am still not certain as to what one should say. "Please stop trying to grab my privates. I am clearly not interested."
This is my body. I don't understand why the general belief is that all men are seeking indiscriminate, casual sexual encounters whenever the opportunity presents itself. Evidently, many men are, but I am certainly not one of them. Get a hold of yourselves, people! Intimacy loses its legitimacy when you've slept with half the Palouse.
I may be a prude, but the root of "prude" is prudence, which is a virtue implying wisdom, insight, and knowledge, as well as the ability to judge appropriate actions at a given time and place.
There's never an excuse for groping anyone the way that guy did- it's inappropriate and offensive. And once it was clear you weren't reciprocating or welcoming his groping, he went way beyond offensive to disgusting, perverted. Even if he was really drunk at the time, he should get some kind of psychological help because he crossed some serious boundaries.
ReplyDeleteHey Ky,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to take a second and thank you for putting yourself out there and doing this blog and your YouTube videos. As a person who lives in a really conservative area, it's sometimes extremely hard to be who you are, and it's really awesome to see someone with such self confidence. I actually am a lot like you. I'm also 22, I really like cultures, especially Scandinavian (because of a trip to Norway), languages, I'm a Francophile, and other things that you like, and it's almost like you're living the life I would love to lead but can't at the moment. If you don't mind my asking, how did you become such a confident person, one who doesn't worry about what other people think? How is your relationship with your parents, or siblings if you have any? What kind of reaction did you receive when coming out? Sorry for all the questions, but I tend to be a lost soul at this kind of stuff and I could really use and appreciate some input.
Thanks again and keep up the great work,
Brandon
Wow very uncomfortable situation but you do have the right to say out loud "NO". No one has the right to touch your body without your permission, straight or gay. I agree the casualness of hooking up cannot be a good thing when you wake up and dont know or care about the person you were with. In my mind intimacy is about nurturing a relationship with someone you want to be with. Your prudence rocks!
ReplyDeleteI love that you brought this up. I sometimes envy people who can be a bit loose, and I was wondering whether it's a confidence issue. But you're confident in yourself, and you're just as prudish as me (though I think I would have whacked the dude). I suppose it's just personality...I don't judge "sluts", they're entitled to their own happiness. I just don't feel comfortable lending my body to any cute guy that comes along.
ReplyDeleteTo what Brandon said, I would love to hear about your coming-out process. I'm guessing you started this blog around the time you did it, since you were "beginning your life anew." Other than the sparse hints you leave, I have no clue what it was like for you. Finding your videos contributed to me coming out in August, so I'm curious how you came to be so inspiringly unapologetic.