Reconciliations

I need to take this time to recap my holiday a little.  I already detailed the way in which my trip began with a bumpy start.  Uff da! So I got to Palm Springs a little early, and was there longer than intended.  Mor was very good about keeping everything lively and entertaining, though, and we were all in the mood to just relax more often than not, haha! I got to do my share of lengthy desert hikes in the sun, which really justifies the entire trip, in my book : )

Intense desert hike up to a hidden oasis, seriously just a few miles from my parents' house.  How awesome is that?

Definitely a wonderful holiday being home, truly for the first time all year

Leaving Palm Springs.  Auf wiedersehen!

While I more than certainly had a fantastic time away, and as always, enjoyed the desert thoroughly, it also gave me a lot of new perspective.  In contrast to my previous two posts, I have decided that the desert really is not right for me at this time.  I like winter.  Since I've been back, it's been consistently cold temps here, hovering in the 20's or below (-2˚ to -8˚ C), with gorgeous white snow, but also plenty of sunshine.  For me, this is the ideal winter.

Soo excited to be back ice skating again

 It sounds as though the flight attendant job isn't meant to work out at this time.  That is totally fine.  It was a great way to get out of my current situation and move someplace exciting, as well as travel.  But you know what? If it's meant to be, it will happen in a couple years instead! Right now, I am more driven than ever to get to China in the fall and finish my degree the following spring.  I'm 2 simple semesters away from completion, and want that security of having the bachelors, plus the substantial Chinese language background.  Let's enjoy our time doing what we're doing and instead of moping, make the most of it!

I have several ice skating dates lined up, I'm determined to go skiing this winter, Adrian is being perfect and wanting to advance our relationship to a new level, old friends are resurfacing, and I'm proud that I didn't give up on my dream of going to China.

Cute story time.  My favorite movie is "Breakfast at Tiffany's." I love Audrey Hepburn, especially as Holly Golightly.  I had a giant movie poster I'd bought in Seattle framed in my room, but it broke and was ruined during a tragic accident : ( So for Christmas, Adrian went and found a new poster for me, which is much more extravagant and expensive, PLUS it's in German, because he knows I was rekindling my German brain for that flight attendant position.  All in all, it is a beautiful gift, and is now hanging on my wall : ) I love it so much.  He is a great guy.  I think one of my resolutions is definitely going to be to leave the grittier aspects of our past where they belong: in the past.  Time to look to the future and see what unfolds.

O the holidays

Speaking of all of this moving, one of the happiest days of my life will be when I no longer have to shove my long legs into one of those tin cans they call Bombardier Q400s.  Any time I fly to someplace of significance out of Pullman or Spokane, I always end up stuffed in one of those little things.  At least give me a 737 or something, please.  On the plus side, if it's a later flight, they sometimes offer complimentary beer or wine.  Ja, tak.

This is how my holiday traveling has proceeded thusfar:
I had to hitch a ride with friends from Moscow up to Spokane and stayed the night there at another friend's house, only to get up at 5:30 AM and pay a $20 cab fee to get to the airport on time for my flight out at 8:30 AM.  Said flight landed me in Seattle, where my connecting flight to Santa Barbara, California, was subsequently canceled due to mechanical failures.  Fortunately, I was able to get my flight & baggage all transferred directly to Palm Springs out of Seattle, which was going to be my ultimate destination later in the week anyway.  Unfortunately, THAT flight doesn't leave until 6:00 PM.  Sooooo please understand my frustration with going to all of the aforementioned effort & expense, only to sit in SeaTac airport for the entire day, and arrive in Palm Springs at 10 o'clock at night.  I might be slightly grumpy. 

Fortunately, I know the perfect remedy!

Plus, I came heavily armed with some books and 4 hours of Extended Edition Lord of the Rings.

I am stoked to be home with the fam.  Do some hiking, hot tubbing, hanging out with Grace, playing games, shopping, great food, it's gonna be awesome!

Adventure is out there!

I have been going through a lot of new experiences recently, among them: applying for new jobs out of town, talking with new people, tolerating drama and neglect from my current peer groups, and dealing with the frustrations of traveling to/from this remote area.  All of these matters fall on top of me coping with the aforementioned depression with my mundane circumstances here in the Palouse as it is.

One viable solution I developed is returning to the Southwest.  The Pacific Northwest has truly grown on me, and I formed a love for this place.  That being said, one can certainly understand my confusion when I simply cannot find a place for myself here any longer.  I no longer have a reason for being here, and feel like I am purely existing.  One of the few things weighing my heart to this place is my love for Adrian, but I also know that he finds the idea of me staying here just for him to be devastating.  Since day one, he has made his position clear about never wanting to stand in the way of me doing something amazing or being the best version of myself.  I have really appreciated being able to talk with him about this, and having him be so supportive, but also help me analyze my situation objectively.

Originally, I was debating moving back to California.  Palm Springs is my home, my family is there, and it would be easy to work in a bar or some such venue while establishing a further course of action.  The more I went through ideas, however, it dawned on me that returning to Phoenix would be even better.  I really enjoyed my time there.

Benefits:
- It's familiar, and I have at least a semblance of a friend network lingering around.
- It's a major city with amenities I've lacked for so long.  In particular, a major airport.
- The weather is warm & the sun is always out.
- It's a straight shot of 4 easy hours of driving through the magnificent Sonora Desert to visit my parents and grandmother.
- Cost of living is low.
- Phoenix is centrally located to a lot of great things: Southern California, Mexico, Las Vegas, mountains, skiing, Lake Havasu, and so forth.  I still like the snow, so I can just spend a weekend up in Flagstaff with friends, or whatever I want to do.
- They have an NHL team.
- I can easily finish my education at Arizona State, where I began.  They have a killer Chinese language immersion program, and once I establish residency, it's a lot cheaper than WSU.
- I love Mexican food and culture.

Drawbacks:
- Who knows if I'm just running away to new problems in an attempt to escape my old ones.  But one can never truly know, and what I do know, is that I am no longer able to make due with what I have here in Idaho.
- I will need a car.  However, life here has not permitted me to live well without one either, as it has turned out.  And any cities that have good enough public transit to not demand a car are 4x more expensive to live in anyway.
- Minimum wage is fairly low in Arizona.  However, I'm making peanuts here in Idaho too (nowhere is as high as Washington), and I'll be seeking a job that earns tips, at least until I can find something better.
- The summers are extremely hot.  But I've acclimated before, and can do it again.
- Arizona politics are extremely right-wing, which does not bode well for homosexuals.  But it's a big city, and even though John McCain lives there, I don't know how intolerant people are or how noticeable this difference is.

Ultimately, I need to get out of here.  Not having a reason to stay is reason enough to leave.

déprimé

I feel I've had a terrible case of the mean reds for quite some time now.  As my idol, Holly Golightly, so eloquently put it,
"The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long; you're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling? Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!"

Only trouble is that I don't even really have a place like Tiffany's to escape to.  I think I need to move away from here.  I feel stuck, and like my life is devoid of purpose.  I almost burst into tears at the gym today.  If I died in this apartment right now, it'd be forever before anyone noticed.  I don't have the friend network here I thought I had.  I can't even land the man I'm still stupidly in love with.  And I'm not contributing to the world or influencing people's lives.

I wasn't really financially or mentally capable of continuing with university this year, but at least when you're in university, you have an excuse to be poor and live in a place like this.  You're still making progress toward some higher purpose and a better way of life.

I've been applying to different airlines with foreign language speaking flight attendant positions open.  I feel like it's a surefire way to get out of this place, meet new people, do something important, and if they need me for a particular language, I'll probably get a really exciting assignment! I'm one out of 20,000 applicants usually, but I do feel that I'm more than qualified.

It probably seems like I'm just feeling sorry for myself.  I'm just a little despondent lately, and can't seem to shake it.  I'm not used to feeling this lonely and trapped.  I exercise, I drink, I try to have fun.  Whenever I want to get together with people, which is pretty much all the time, they're either busy, out of town, unwilling to drive and get me, OR they blow me off completely without notice or explanation.  My Moscow friend network has more or less dissipated, and people in Pullman don't want to cross state lines just to hang out with me.  What else am I supposed to be doing exactly?!

réfléchir

I'm going through old journals from my past.  I was always very good about cataloging my thoughts and life events.  Many of the older ones are juvenile to me now and almost embarrassing to look back on (a tool I use for learning from the past).  However, there is one in particular that I kept through most of my years in attendance of university, which is the most insightful and relevant of all.  I see my present self in its entries, which makes it a lot more personal and fantastic for me to reflect upon.

I had a thought to archive some of my current wishes and ambitions, when I came across a certain entry from almost exactly two years ago.  Interestingly, it is strikingly similar to what I was about to write down, and I find that all of my dreams and wants for the future at that time are consistent with my present ones.

Here is what it says:

"Monday Nov. 15th, 2010

Things I want to do:

- have two children, either adopted or surrogate.  I could do either.  Although I think highly of adoption because there are a lot of young children out there in terrible situations, whose lives I could save by giving them a nice home and being a good father.

- have a sauna in my house.

- speak Danish, French, and Mandarin fluently.  I also want my children to be able to speak at least two of these languages.

- travel extensively in different parts of the world.

- someday go on a long camping trip with my own family through Denmark, Norway, Sweden, and Finland.

- spend a year abroad again.

- live in or have access to a major city."

That was two years ago, and I may as well have written it this afternoon.  I know these may seem basic or trivial, but it is nice to know that while my life is always changing around me, I'm still working toward some of the same dreams.

Updates for the future

Nothing is ever really certain, so naturally my plans will always be changing, mostly to adapt to fluctuating circumstances.  Right now I am getting my finances in order & working full-time.  I'm almost 100% sure I'll be getting a 2nd job in the fall to help supplement my income; just an extra 10-15 hours on the side.

While I'm paying off debts and cutting back on expenses, saving money for China is still pretty slow-going.  Granted, I've only been at it for almost 2 months since school ended.  That's why I feel the extra job would be really helpful, so that I can at least still have a little bit of leisure/travel money while living frugally, without cutting into my checks from the pool.

I may be able to procure some scholarships via the Chinese government for my intensive language study in Beijing.  There are several varieties available, as they are interested in expanding knowledge & use of their language in other parts of the world.  If I am unable to secure aid from China, I may just have to do an intensive semester and come back to finish my last courses.  There are many other opportunities to live in Asia & learn.  One I am particularly interested in is the Language Corps.  They have programs all over the world, but I am particularly interested in their Teach Taiwan option.

http://www.languagecorps.com/teach-english-taiwan/

Many Westerners actually move to Taiwan purely to teach English, as it is a very well-developed nation & economy, providing foreign English teachers with rather handsome compensation.  While I would spend most of my time working in English, rather than in Chinese, there is something to be said for immersing oneself in the target language environment.  I would love to live in Taipei for a year.  Most people in Denmark speak English & I even took a few courses in English there, had a lot of English-speaking friends, etc, and still came away one of the students most fluent in Danish (and have retained most of it to this day).  More importantly, I would have a good job, be acquiring work experience abroad, and would actually be able to save money.  I am more than certain there will be local Mandarin classes I can enroll myself in while I'm there.  If I am able to save enough money by the time my year-long contract is finished, I could even do the summer semester of the International Chinese Language Program (ICLP) at 台大學, which is a VERY highly esteemed Mandarin immersion program based in Taipei.  From what I've heard, most of the best professionals from America in the field of Chinese have studied there at one point or another.

No matter what, I'll make something work, and I'll have an awesome life.

Reaney Summer + Lower Dr Life

Soo I definitely scheduled myself for this ultra-long front desk shift at the outdoor pool at Reaney Park all day today.  What a terrible idea.  Oh well, someone's got to do it, and I needed people who knew how to do all of the transactions, a.k.a. me.  It's just chugging by a little slowly, haha.  Today is the first truly hot day of the summer (87 F, 30 C), so it's been very busy at least.  Everybody loves a cool dip : ) Personally, my favorite thing is to lap swim outdoors in the sunshine.  So lovely.
Thus have the real summer lazy days begun.  It's a life I can handle, for sure.

There have been a lot of changes recently in my world.  Ann & Baker have left me, as well as the other rower guys (Kramer & Jake).  My wife, Irena, has moved into the room next to me, Jake's younger brother is living with us through July, and Chad and Brittany will take Ann's old room upstairs.  It's nice having Irena there, because she is such a strong person and a really dependable friend.  We often sleep in her bed together because it is so damn comfy, and it's nice for both of us to have the company.  When you're used to sleeping with another person, it can be hard to sleep alone.

I ended up taking Adrian's pets, Lucy the snake and Dexter the gecko, while he is in Alaska.  I figured it makes a lot of sense, because obviously he can trust and depend on me, and I already know how to take care of them.  They're living in my room with me, which is also nice.  I think their presence and the illumination from their lamps makes the room feel cozier.  Tomorrow is Lucy's feeding day, so I'll have to run to the store in Moscow and hope they have some feeder rats.  That place has been so inconsistent, it's driving me nuts.  I'm anxious about taking her out of her cage to put her in her feeding tank (feeding her in a separate tank allows her to live in her normal one without thinking she'll get fed there).  I know she won't bite me, but I just worry she's stressed and it makes me a little nervous.  I'm sure it'll be fine, and I'm eager to become more and more comfortable handling her.

I feel so glad that Adrian will only be away a few more weeks.  I think just 22 more sleeps before I'm at SeaTac airport waiting for his beautiful smiling face.  Not so bad.  Still, it's really sinking in that I'm going to be without him for quite a while, and that makes me miss him a lot more.  At least I have something really great to look forward to on top of my awesome summer : )

Invasive Persuasive

I have avoided writing about any topics related to my relationships on here, particularly because of the traffic my blog receives without my knowledge.  All I want to say is that I have never been in a relationship where so many other people have had so much input and so many opinions.  I will continue by saying that I've never been in a relationship where so many other people were involved.

As far as I'm concerned, my relationship is only between myself and my boyfriend. It is no one else's business.  No one else is encompassed under that umbrella.

I should not have to be made to feel bad if I refer to him as "my boyfriend," rather than by name, because it sounds like I'm being possessive (and some people would prefer that no one had any claim to him).  I should not have to be made to feel bad if my boyfriend wants to hold me, and seeing that makes someone else sad.  I should not have to be made to feel bad if I would appreciate just 30 minutes alone with him out of a 4-day period before he leaves to work in Alaska for a month.  I should not have to be made to feel bad if I want to dance with him a little at a club, but other people there want to dance with him instead.

I'm not a possessive boyfriend and I'm not asking for much.  I understand that he is very charming and pleasant, and that other people are going to love him for a lot of the same reasons that I do.  I understand.

I just have never felt like I had to take a number to be with the one I love before.

Memorial Day weekend

I've discovered how to give myself little vacations here & there.  I have a little bit of a commuter relationship (Adrian lives in Moscow, Idaho, which is a whopping 8 miles away from Pullman), and it's now summer time, which means that a day off work could constitute a full day of adventure.  Therefore, it just makes more sense for me to load up part of my week with a busy work schedule (in other words, still get my 40 hours, but compress them into 4 long days, rather than 7 short/medium days), then take the rest of it off.  It's even possible to maximize my "vacation" by loading up the first half of one week, then loading up the later half of the following week.

That's what I did this past week so as to really enjoy some time with Adrian before he takes off for his summer travels.  He'll be in Arizona this week, and then it won't be long before he's flying off to Alaska for a month of commercial fishing.  I've definitely enjoyed the time away from work, just sleeping in, and knowing I don't have anything looming over my shoulder.  Ahh the beauty of being the Head Guard of scheduling.

Yesterday, I helped some future roommates completely empty out their apartments.. into their new house! My house.  It's nice to be making progress with the roommate transition, but it was a bummer that the moving process was a full 11-hour day of work on our holiday off.  I definitely get the impression that beautiful Ann is feeling intruded upon & pushed out with the arrival of new roommates (they aren't living in our house until Ann moves out, just their stuff is), so I'm sad to do that to her.  I just don't have a lot of alternatives, because I needed roommates for next year,  they needed some storage for all of their things, and frankly I didn't want to help them move twice.

There have been a lot of fun things going on too during this time.

Making delicious breakfast with my man

A few parties with good friends at my place

And right now, I'm babysitting Adrian's reptiles.  So cute!

Start work again tomorrow.  I'm looking forward to just being able to focus on my manager duties & doing a really great job of them.

Good lookin' & cookin' ; )

The weather has been GORGEOUS, very hot.  This life, I can definitely do.  I looove walking around town with the "lazy dayz" atmosphere, drinking a nice bottled beer fresh out of the fridge, lounging around my deck with Baker or the Lambda Chi house with some of the brothers... Even my old nemesis, getting into a hot car after it's been baking in the sun for hours, doesn't bother me right now.

Not having school weighing on my mind is a huge load off.  I am kicking butt at work, and then get to actually enjoy some extensive downtime with my friends & loved ones.  This is just what I needed right now.

I've been missing my parents and wish that I could hang out with them down in the desert.  It's really cookin' down there, but it's the perfect time to use the pool & relax.  I'm jealous that Timothy is just a 2 hour drive away.  I wish that southern California wasn't on the opposite part of the West Coast from me.  Mom wants me to come join everyone at their lake house rental in Minnesota this summer.  That'd be really awesome, but even working full-time, I'm still stretched thin right now financially.

I got a guinea pig back in April, Theodore, who was a really awesome little guy.  Unfortunately he developed digestive complications last week & died at the WSU vet hospital.  Now I have his vet bill, my own doctor's bill from when I got my foot looked at (a fruitless x-ray that the nurse recommended, and now I have to pay for - stupid), a late fee on my rent because my paycheck came after the due date, etc.  I'm looking into ways to generate some additional income beyond just my pool stuff.  I'm sure it'll all even out soon enough; at least my August when my fam has the rental.

Sunshine, feelin' fine

My readers all know of my warm-hearted affinity for autumn & winter activities, smells, beauty, etc.  As spring & summer merge together, however, you simply can't help but feel your spirits rise with the toasty warm sun.  I am definitely a fan of the more laid-back, less-dressed arrival of summer.

I went on a long, 8-mile run the other day, way out on the Chipman Trail, which follows the highway over to Moscow, Idaho, alongside the warm, rolling wheat fields.  It was a most delicious hour of dusk, when the air is still warm, the sky is turning pink, and the fields around me look more and more golden brown.  It reminded me of the love I've developed for this place over the past 4 years.  I don't want to stay forever, but I truly do love living here.  It's an incredible place.

With the ending of school, it is time to start working 40-hour weeks (really only a short step up from my 30-hour weeks during the semester).  At least my schedule is much more open now, so I can hand-pick the most ideal hours I would like.  Oh, the advantages of writing everyone's work schedules (including my own : D).

On that note, I have some big news.  I have made the decision to not return to school in the fall or spring next year.  I have an enormous weight over my height with bills, loans, and all the while trying to save up to go to China.  My priority needs to be the lattermost of those.  Even if I got my degree now (which has a lot of ridiculous redtape standing in my way), I am not fluent in Chinese.  I can barely hold a solid conversation.  I am tired of learning it in a classroom; any true linguist would agree that is the worst, most frustrating way to go.  Instead of taking bogus classes, which are not even relevant to me, my intention is to save up enough money to attend Beijing Language & Culture University for two semesters of intensive Chinese language classes.  By the end of that year, I will be quite fluent, and ideally a lot of my work there will transfer back to WSU & satisfy some of my remaining credits.  I can work & take a semester to finish up whatever else the university requires, and then I'll be set for the workforce.  If possible, I'd like to follow up my return to the U.S. with an intensive summer in the International Chinese Language Program in Taipei, Taiwan.  SUPER good program (but much more expensive)!

I still have all of my Chinese textbooks, as well as the textbooks for the next 3 levels, which I can use to continue my learning and practice.  I also have a number of native Chinese friends, with whom I've recently regained contact (much easier now that finals are over), who would be more than happy to help me.

It's interesting how many opportunities there are, even here in Pullman, for the line of work I'm interested in.  A friend of Adrian's recently asked me if I would be willing to translate some legal forms for his father's law firm, as they frequently receive Taiwanese clients with poor English, and he would pay me for my services (at this time, it is slightly beyond my scope of abilities, which brings me back to my point that I just need to get my butt to China).  One of my professors asked our class if anyone would be willing to serve as interpreters for a business conference.  These are just a few examples of ways I can acquire experience in my field, especially given the large Chinese population Washington State University draws in.

are we all créoles?

Something that has been burping up in my life again is a feeling of racial sensitivity.  Now we all know that I am fairly ethnically caucasian.  My username is even danishguyky.  However, this does not mean that I am onboard when people "subtly" make racial jokes or reference racist stereotypes, as though I am meant to laugh along with them.  It's at this point that I tell them I'm Puerto Rican, which, I believe, helps separate me from the ugly white superiority complex and makes people think twice about what they're saying.  It also allows me to identify with ethnic groups to whom I often feel much closer.

I like that this perception challenges the stereotype of what people normally think about Latinos or whomever.  Modern Family's Sofia Vergara is as Colombian as you could possibly get, but she's naturally a blonde.

"Vergara has naturally blonde hair, but for movies and television, she is often asked to dye it brown to make her look more typically Latina."

Sofia and I share a common plight.  The street runs both ways.  For the past two years, I've hung out in the Chicano/Latino Center in the Multi-cultural Student Center of our union building on campus.  Whenever I wasn't there with my Mexican and/or Colombian friends, I felt like people were looking at me like I didn't belong.  One guy even said in Spanish, "Why's the white kid here?" as though I couldn't possibly understand Spanish.  Look, maybe you're from Yakima or Othello or someplace like that, but you don't hold a candle to a native Californian, who grew up in predominantly Spanish-speaking areas, was sent to Spanish immersion camp as a kid, and went to grossly predominantly Hispanic schools.  Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can understand Spanish.  And I do legitimately have Puerto Rican family : ) Maybe I need to change my name to Ky Vetterli del Rosario Soto Kamolz, just to prove a point.  Might get a scholarship or something!

I'm not trying to fool anyone here or gain sympathy for something I am certainly not entitled to; I am most definitely an ethnically white American.  But what I hate is the way that dominates people's perception of what I must be like, that I must belong among these people but not among these people, that I'm ignorant, wealthy, etc.

What I want is to break through this illusion and challenge society's perspectives about race, racial appearance, and the stereotypes that come with each group.  So for all intents and purposes, I am Puerto Rican.

Besides, mixed ancestry is very in vogue.

Spring Break

Phew! I'm back in Pullman after my trip with Adrian to Seattle and the coast.  Honestly, despite everything (2 car accidents; done talking about that), we had the greatest time.  In my experience, usually when you travel with someone else & don't have much of a plan, things can get pretty stressful, and your travel partner starts to really grate on you.
Not in the least.
Adrian & I spent the entire 5-day trip by the seat of our pants, always ending up sleeping someplace other than where we had originally intended, meeting all kinds of amazing people, as well as some good old friends each of us had in the city.
I felt like I had a really good experience with Seattle in December when I went with the Danes.  This totally trumped that.  We were all over the University District, Capitol Hill, Pike's Place, and the downtown shopping district.  FINALLY I got to go to H&M and get some new pants.  I have been rocking the same two pairs of pants for the past few months because they're the only ones I like wearing.  Obviously I could use some variety & they were sort of cheap, so wearing out quickly.  Hence the need to visit H&M to solve all of my problems, as usual.  You're getting good quality and style without paying out the ***.  I feel like most expensive jeans I find actually aren't that great of quality anyway, nor are the usually my style.  They have the premade shreds in them or too much junk on them.  Simple, dark, nice slim fit is all I want, just as long as it doesn't make my butt look like a deflated whoopie cushion.

Anyway, in addition to meeting up with great friends, checking out UW's Lambda Chi house, clubbing, shopping, and drinking amazing coffee & bubble tea, we made a little detour up to Bellingham.  Here is the absurdly serendipitous part.
Adrian & I are in my car driving to get onto the highway to head north to Bellingham.  I hand him my phone to text Ann to get her address.  As I do, Ann texts my phone saying that she and her sister are in the University District, literally 2 blocks away from where we were.  What?! So we take the Jeep back to the Lambda Chi house to park it, then walk to meet Ann & April for extraordinary Thai food and more shopping (haha!) Sooo funny, and a really good time.  Then we just followed the two of them all the way back to their house in Bellingham anyway.  Could not have been more perfect.

Adrian, me, April, and Ann at Thai Tom's on the Ave

Once we were in Bellingham, Ann took it upon herself to give us a real experience of the city.  It's definitely a unique place, and very quintessential Pacific Northwest.  LOTS of hipsters; perhaps a little bit grungier than the Seattle hipsters.  

The Bellingham cold reminded me of living in Gig Harbor, where the air itself is icy cold from all the moisture, and it can even be hard to warm up inside.  Then when you go to use the faucet, the water is so frigid, it's like glacial runoff.  This wasn't the case so much in Ann's darling house, but when I went to another friend's house there, it definitely brought back those memories, haha.

This was all Adrian's first time seeing the ocean.  Granted, Bellingham resides inside a bay with large islands protecting the entrance, but it's most assuredly still the ocean.  For him it was pretty momentous, and I wanted to do anything but belittle the situation.  I can't wait to show him the real coast or even San Diego at some point.

Here he is absolutely elated to be at a beach and having made a few crab friends

Now that I've returned to Pullman, it's back to the old grind.  I'm in the midst of working at the pool during our annual weeklong shutdown we do for maintenance and general upkeep.  Everything has been very productive so far.  I kind of like being able to get a bunch of hours without having to deal with anyone's questions or problems for a while.

Springtime beauties

Alright, I went to work and found the nice comment one of my co-workers wrote about me.  The staff development manager printed it out onto this neat background that adds a little emphasis :

"He is a positive, motivating force that always makes an effort to make our staff feel better and make the PAFC a better place to work.  Ky is easy to talk to and spends extra time and effort above and beyond what is expected of him.  By bettering himself through the LGI class, he is making himself a more knowledgable leader and a critical part of our team.  If our managers are the vital organs of our staff, then Ky is the beating heart that pumps motivation throughout the entire staff."

I really want to go through and edit the grammar, but I can definitely resist being a pig in this case : P If only I were this successful with my schooling! Although things are looking up schoolwise, too.  I'm presenting one of my group projects in class today.  Urggh soo many group projects, rarr rarr rarr!!

In addition to my baking binge I started in the fall, which has actually died off a little recently, I am now a cultivator.  Adrian bought me a huge set of beautiful lilies, which was so very nice.  I originally put them on my kitchen table & let their luscious scent waft throughout the place.  It wasn't long before I could tell they were unhappy in their little store pot & needed some room to grow.  Here is a picture of them from the other day:

It's clear that they're already dying around the base, poor things.  Ann & I made a trek to the garden center, where I found a much, much larger pot for them, with some organic soil to munch on.  The new potting arrangement would be too big & tacky for the kitchen table, but I didn't want my babies to go to waste sitting alone in a corner of the house either.  I moved them down to my bedroom, where they have a nice, sunny view out my windows.  That way, they're always at the foot of my bed when I wake up, and my bedroom smells fantastic.

I really hope they survive & are happy in their new home.

un nouveau poste

Eeeek, sorry I've been the lamest about updating recently.  I've been fairly entangled in staying caught up with my classes and having a lively social life.  Oh, and the whole job thing.  Not a big deal!
By the way, I am the employee of the month! I just found out yesterday.  Someone on staff wrote the nicest recommendation for me, I will have to copy it and post it on here.  So sweet.

Speaking of sweet, I met this really great guy at the beginning of last month, Adrian.  We started going out on a few dates & really getting to know each other, and now things are pretty serious.  He lives over in Moscow, so there is a slight distance issue, but it's actually kind of nice because our lives aren't on top of each other all the time (whoa, pardon the expression), and I find Moscow so charming anyway.  I'm not trying to get cheesy, but I... really like him.  We are extremely compatible both emotionally and physically, and seem to fit into one another's lives really well.  He is a super genuine, responsible guy.  Ok, if you know me well, get this part: he's in a fraternity.  Prior to this experience, I have had nothing but contempt for the Greek system (although the show "Greek" made me wish I could rush Kappa Tau).  Having now been a many-time guest & tenant of the Lambda Chi Alpha house, I can attest that you will be hard pressed to find a friendlier bunch of fellas.  I love the atmosphere & close-knit dynamic.  Everyone there adores Adrian & regularly come to him for advice.  They all know who I am as well, and that I'm obviously with Adrian, and could not be more welcoming.  I brought them chocolate cookies thanking them for their hospitality.  Brownie points for Ky! (pardon the expression here too, as they were in fact cookies)

Me with tall, dark, and handsome

As I said, I've been spending a lot of time in Moscow at the Lambda house.  It's like a refuge from the stresses of my Pullman life.  I feel like I can really relax & wind down there.  I studied there with Adrian last night for my massive Chinese midterm & totally rocked the midterm today! Uhh, definitely utilizing this strategy from now on.

Well, the semester is slowly crossing the halfway point, which means crunch time steadily approaches.  SOOO many group projects!! Whyyy??! I read the assignments and cannot figure out how doing it in a group makes more sense than doing an individual paper or presentation (other than saving time on presentations).  Finding the time to collaborate with all of these different groups is especially taxing.  Oh well, complaining isn't going to make it go away.

Spring break is next week, so I hope to have exciting tales to tell.  I'm really glad that I decided to get out of town for at least a bit.  Adrian & I are going to Seattle for a couple of days, then driving up to Bellingham to visit some dear friends, then heading back over to the eastern paradise.  Hope the weather is as nice on the West Side as it is here.

Rowing

Recently I've been fairly nostalgic for my days as an elite athlete in an extremely rigorous sport - rowing.  I could never go back to my team here.  I think I would just end up pissed off all the time, frankly.  Same old politics, all new idiots who don't know what they're talking about.  On the other hand, being on the water every day and gliding across the surface through the sheer force of your own might is an incredible experience.  Not to mention the knowledge that you are the most physically fit human being on campus.

WIRAs 2009

(I'm 7th seat, so two people from stern) Entering the boat at Fawley Cup

(I'm 3rd seat from the bow) Varsity Lightweight 8

There's something to be said for athletes who willingly inflict this much pain upon themselves.  I'm definitely interested in rowing with a good masters program when I move to a big city.  There is a masters summer rowing program here in Pullman, and I've actually rowed with them before, but they're pretty amateurish.  It might be worth it this summer, just for the time on the water & the experience, but I haven't decided yet.

In the meantime, I'm getting back into rowing shape doing some erg pieces with my rower friends.  On Tuesday, I'm erging with my buddy, Paul, who has rowed as an ACRA (American Collegiate Rowing Association) All-Star.  My other friend and future roommate, Irena, rowed for the Czech national team until she was 21-years-old and came to row here at WSU.  She and I are erging together every Saturday now.

Irena and me in the university's erg room last night

Soon, I will be back to excellent shape! I think this will be good motivation for me to work out harder and harder from now on.

the art of being prude

I really do not know what is wrong with the world, or perhaps something is wrong with me.  I am just aghast at how promiscuous and transient the majority of people's sex lives are.  Maybe it's not the majority, actually, but lately it's sure seemed like a lot of people.

As I've analyzed this in my head more and more, maybe the "sluttiness" bothers me because, in a way, I'm envious? Other people can just let go and mess around indiscriminately, having fun.  But at the same time, I am so thankful that I have no sexual remorse.  I feel like I am very responsible, and I really respect my body.

I think that I work really hard to look good.  I mean, sure, I am blessed with fantastic Nordic genes, rendering me tall, blonde, and lean.  But I also work out 4-6 times per week, buy nice clothes, and take good care of myself.  I would argue that this entitles me to be a little extra choosey about my partners.  If I don't find very many people in my area attractive, that does not mean that I'm being arrogant.  If you aren't attracted to someone, you simply aren't.

Saturday night, some of my dear friends, Ann & Kate, and I all went out to a bar over in Moscow with some gays.  We definitely enjoyed ourselves - Moscow has so many fun venues to offer.  A friend had agreed to drive us back to Pullman at the end of the night, so we all piled into the car.  Kate had to lie down on top of 3 of us in the back seat.  A guy I had been conversing with at the bar was sitting next to me in the car, and, to my horror, would not stop trying to grope me! I was appalled! The only way I can describe it would be "aggressively subtle." I firmly blocked his hand from digging as far as he was trying to go, and tried to push it away from my leg, but he persisted! The entire 15 minute car ride.  Oh gods, I felt so violated.  Kate said that she felt him doing it beneath her, but didn't realize that I was not receptive to his advances, and asked why I didn't say anything.  I guess I was just shocked, and the situation was so awkward, I am still not certain as to what one should say.  "Please stop trying to grab my privates.  I am clearly not interested."

This is my body.  I don't understand why the general belief is that all men are seeking indiscriminate, casual sexual encounters whenever the opportunity presents itself.  Evidently, many men are, but I am certainly not one of them.  Get a hold of yourselves, people! Intimacy loses its legitimacy when you've slept with half the Palouse.

I may be a prude, but the root of "prude" is prudence, which is a virtue implying wisdom, insight, and knowledge, as well as the ability to judge appropriate actions at a given time and place.

Hold on tight

I'll tell you something, and not a lot of people know this: we are clinging to the surface of this planet while it spins through space at a thousand miles an hour, held only by the mystery force called gravity. A lot of people panic when you tell them that, and they just fall off.. but I see you're not falling off.

You're amazing just the way you are

I found this picture floating around in the sea of Internets.  That kid is freaking adorable.  Is it bad to say that I might be slightly disappointed if my kid ends up being straight? Hahah, totally kidding.. kind of.

Anyway, I find this story to be consistent with recent trends in the homosphere (<- Yes, I just made that up, patent now!) It appears that kids are self-aware and coming out of the closet at younger and younger ages in very recent years.  A lot of us "older" gays (relatively speaking, of course) are confused by this, as many of us did not come out until the 17-23 range or much MUCH later in a lot of cases.

I think that this change is due to the environment in which today's children are growing up.  I am so happy to see this: every time I turn around, it is more and more socially acceptable to be gay.  If you had nothing to hide, be afraid of, or feel ashamed of, I guess I don't see why someone would suppress themselves.  I was going to use my own personal experiences for examples, but I'm finding it extremely difficult.  It's a time of my life that is so repressed in my mind, full of self-shame and confusion as to why I was different than everyone else.  I.. I'm really actually having a difficult time just dwelling on it with my thoughts.  Moving on, I guess.

Anyway, when I was growing up, being called "gay" was the worst insult that could be thrown at you.  As you might be able to imagine, I was subject to this on a daily basis.  I wonder if this idea is finally beginning to fade out among the younger generations of today.  That would be so wonderful, if straight children and gay children could grow up side-by-side in a completely accepting society.

No parent wants their child to be faced with adversity.  Adversity, however, is a fact of life that most everyone experiences.  I think that many parents have previously not wanted their children to be gay for this reason.  They would discourage their children from doing things that could lead to them being perceived as gay.  Nowadays diversity is so celebrated that being a homosexual child may not seem like such a bad thing.

All of this is complete speculation, as I am not a parent, nor a child.  I do think we will continue to see trends as exemplified by the above picture, and I am elated that the United States may actually be able to provide a safe, nurturing atmosphere for gay children and/or children of gay parents.  I'm really thankful for my parents being so loving and accepting of me as their son.  It wasn't always so easy, but I think we can all agree that it's what we do today that really counts.

le futur et Montréal

There is a place in this world that was tailor-made for me to be relentlessly happy.

It is a city of 1.5 million.
It is a bilingual city, though officially francophone.
It is both historic and modern, creating a brilliant melding of picturesque European architecture and a contemporary city feel.
The cost of living is extremely cheap for being the 2nd largest city in Canada.
It has its own NHL team.
It is extremely gay-friendly.
The public transit is supposed to be very good (really important to me!!)
I hear the people are beautiful.
Compared with Europe or Asia, it is still culturally very different from the U.S., while not being too far from home.

Cette ville, c'est bien sûr Montréal.  If you have not sorted that out for yourself already.  I need to live in Montréal.  We're meant to be together.  It could totally happen except that I don't know how I would (easily) find a job there.  I have passable French, which could vastly improve before moving there, if I knew it were a sure thing, so I'm not worried about that.  But as an American applying for jobs in Québec, I totally don't have the advantage! If you've been keeping up with international news, Canada's job market is no better off than the U.S.  Darn darn darn!

Where I'm probably going to end up instead is Washington, DC.  While this is also a fine option, especially for American cities, it just doesn't fit the same mold I was hoping for.  I try to find positive comments on DC, but most people are complaining about the traffic, the crime, the high cost of living, the pretentious self-important people, etc.  The worst things I've heard about Montréal are the high taxes (probably how they balance out the cheap cost of living) and really bad potholes.

I'm not trying to rag on DC, but I just have a lot of my own stigmas about East Coasters.  It's difficult to understand unless you are coming from the liberal, laid-back, relatively ultra-friendly West Coast.  But who knows, maybe I'd like it.  I haven't been to DC since I was 14, and I've never even been to Montréal.

You might think this is silly, like, "Ky, why are you freaking out about the future so much? You don't need to worry about that right now." I'm not freaking out about it, and I'm not necessarily worrying.  I'm probably going to be living in varying developing countries over the next 3 years anyway.  But what about after that? You gotta know where the jobs are (i.e. Washington, DC, for me).  On top of that, it's been my dream for several years to live in Montréal, and I wish that I could realize that dream.. but at this time it is unclear to me how I will do that.  I'm interested in a career in diplomacy and linguistics, which is generally government-specific.

Anyway, if you are interested, here are a few of the key blogs I've read on either city most recently:

Montreal

Washington, DC

This is obviously not the only research I've done (lol), but I felt that they outlined my overall findings the best.  If you can find better info for me, I'd love it!

January feelings

Urghh college takes forever! Why am I still living in Pullman?!
Ok, I have been doing a really good job of having a spectacular attitude about being here, and for the most part I do love Pullman.  I like my job, life, house, and friends.  I think that I most get antsy to leave when it comes to being gay in this po-dunk part of the state.  I can dig country life, but en général gays do not thrive in more conservative, rural areas.  The pickens around here are reeeeeal slim.  Then I have gay friends living in downtown Seattle who have decidedly enviable lives compared with my situation here in the Palouse.  Fortunately I'm only 22 (yikes! 23 soon!), but I'm starting to get little reminders more and more frequently that I'm burning up some of my prime years here doing nothing.  I'm going to be 24-years-old before I move out of Pullman ; /  24!!!!

Ok ok ok, Ky, take it easy.  You're here because you have a job here, at which you're the most senior staff member and have everything pretty easy.  In December, you're getting your Bachelors degree.  Then you get to just work fulltime with no school, which will be sweet and a lot easier to save up money & pay things debts off.  When you do turn 24 and move away from Pullman, you're moving to Beijing, China.. Hello! Way better than Seattle! You want a big city? That's the biggest one I can think of.  Man, it's going to be an incredible contrast with my current way of life here.

A little more positivity - I'm really digging taking all upper level classes within my major.  This is the first semester that's really happened for me.  I'm taking 4th semester Chinese and 6th semester Chinese at the same time, which is actually a little bit painful.  However, I think I'm definitely going to stick it out.  I really like both professors, and at the end of the day, I get 2 back-to-back hours of Chinese 3 days per week (actually I have 4th semester Chinese 4 days/week).
All of the other classes are related to analyzing China: past, present, and future.  It's beautiful because I'm not just sitting in a boring lecture.  It's all very involved, and we are expected to come up with content ourselves.  The downside is that I have about 500 group presentations this semester, but those are more inconvenient than difficult.  As a result of these higher expectations of the students, I love finding that my peers actually (well, sometimes) know what they're talking about! As much as I'm looking forward to being done with college, I do love being a scholar.

I'll leave you with some food for thought:
How much money would you save if alcohol didn't exist?

Snowflakes

Winter has been all around me.  It was such a magical couple of days, with legions of snowflakes, and snowbanks the size of mountains.  Washington State University had its first Snow Day in 4 years! Usually they are vehemently stubborn about not canceling class (though not without facing criticism, when commuters from out of town or pedestrians on icy hills face serious compromises in safety).  Anyway, here are a few pictures from around my yard.

Untouched and fathoms deep

Driveway - This is what it looked like after being plowed...

My back deck - check out the accumulation along the railing! After a certain point, I think that was the maximum height it got to before it began to simply spill off the sides

Baker was having a hard time of getting around

Unfortunately all of this beautiful white magic is currently turning into an ocean.  The West Coast, even this far inland, simply does not get cold enough for a real winter.  I'm looking at places such as Minneapolis and Montréal with sighs of envy, given their freezing temps.  I do not mind the snow or the cold in the least, but I hate being wet and cold.  Here it frequently fluctuates between 31˚ and 39˚... not very conducive for nice snow.  The wondrous world around me will be a big, sloppy mess by tomorrow.